Sex app

   It was very cold outside but I just had to smoke. It was one of those times when I just needed to fill my lungs with that damn poison that we all know and hate but sometimes need desperately. I was only wearing my boxers and I had put on his jacket in order not to freeze my ass while smoking at six AM like an idiot. The view from the balcony was amazing: as the building sat on one of the many hills in the city, you could see the business towers on one side and the ocean in the other, as well as hundreds of cars rushing one way or the other. The air smelled delicious, like fresh bread. I noticed there was a bakery just across the street and an elderly couple where entering the store, buying their morning bread so early.

 How did they do it? I don’t mean wake up this early to go and buy bread. I mean, how did they stay together for all these years, without boring each other or drive each other mad? I know and feel I would have the capacity to drive any other guy insane. For life… That tends to be a fucking long time and that’s something I’m not really comfortable with. I have never been able to keep a relationship with anyone for more than six months and this couple may be celebrating their sixtieth anniversary together. No, I think I would have died a long time before that or gone mad. I have a tendency to move around, never standing still for too long. I just couldn’t.

 I finish my cigarette but I don’t really want to go in. Thankfully I brought the pack with me along with a lighter. I lit up another one and feel it comforting my skin from the cold. Winter is done or at least that’s what all the people in the news say. But t sure doesn’t seem like it. My ass is freezing and I don’t know what else to do besides smoking like mad. I let my beer inside… Fuck!  Could have used that. Well, life isn’t perfect at all, shouldn’t I know that. I’m the man working in his father’s flower shop. I have to say I don’t hate it or anything but I would have liked to get so much more from life.

 I went to school and everything. I mean, back in high school I was a great football player and not very smart but in college I discovered I had a thing for numbers and all that. I’m good at that and that’s why dad asked to work with him. I keep the books in order and thanks to me his store is working much more efficiently than before. I even caught someone stealing for him, so I guess I did a great job. But I would have liked to have my own business, make my own decisions and just be myself in life. But this happens when you look for a fucking job for three fucking years and no one even thinks of helping you, giving you a hand. So here I am, thirty-two and still working for daddy. It pays well so I shouldn’t really but hey, I could bitch professionally.

 I turn around and see him there, sleeping as if he had just taken a magical potion to sleep like a log. He looks nice asleep… Not that he doesn’t look nice while awake but you know what I mean. I don’t really know how I got here, I mean, how it was that I accepted to come. To be one hundred percent honest, I met him earlier today on one of those apps for the phone where you get people to fuck with. Yeah, I was that bored. I just downloaded the thing and in an hour I had gotten lots of messages. Which is amazing the body I had back in high school has almost completely disappear. But I guess I have my thing and he noticed it.

 He looked nice in his picture, cute smile, nice guy he seemed. So he asked to come to his house in the middle of the night and here I am. The sex was great and he turned out to be a great guy, very nice and well mannered. But that didn’t stop me from coming out to this freezing balcony to smoke y heart out. It’s maybe because I don’t really like this kind of situations. It annoys me that I have to use those apps and shit to get to know someone to fuck. I mean, it makes it easier but one wonders if it’s all because of me or because he was horny or what.

 Down in the street the elderly couple has just come out of the store. They are holding hands and each one of them is carrying a brown paper bag with what I guess is bread inside. They walk closely together, maybe because they’re cold or maybe because of the love they feel for each other. Either way, they look perfect, happy and just beaming. They disappear after I follow them with my look for a couple of blocks. No one else is really out there except some of those idiots in bicycles and some others obviously heading to the gym or some shit at this time of day. My only obsession is smoking and maybe a beer or two but that cult on the body, I never got it.

 I hear my cellphone’s voice mail ringtone. It only lasts for a couple of seconds but I instantly worry it will awake the guy. But no, he doesn’t even move. I open the sliding door carefully, walk slowly to my pants and take out my cellphone from one of the pockets. And come out again, closing the door behind me. As I take another puff, I realize it was my ex who just left me a message. He’s drunk and says I fucked him up or something. He says I was great always but that I drove him insane. In the background I can hear very loud music. The message ends suddenly. I check it again but hear nothing out of the ordinary so I put my cellphone in the jacket.

 He has already done that, a couple of times after we broke up. It had to be said that it happened like four months ago and he still doesn’t get over it. And he should. Not only because it’s bad for him to hold that inside for so long but because he seems to forget he was the one that send our relationship to hell. I mean, that’s what normally happens when you want to surprise your guy with a nice present that you bought him in a nice little flea market downtown and you just find him in his house fucking another guy. Yeah, that’s what happened. Once I entered with the keys he had given me, I realized there was something wrong but you know people, we always want what we know to be a lie. But it wasn’t. He was fucking that guy hard.

 I’m not the kind, soft type. I opened up that door with a fucking kick and took pictures. Yeah, I did. I was driven insane and just wanted to fucking destroy him. He begged me not to show those to anyone and then I knew what was really important to him. I didn’t even look at the guy he was fucking, who just jumped like a rabbit and into the bathroom; maybe scared I would kick him in the balls. I wanted to. Fuck, I really did but I knew I could get into trouble if I did that. So I just took the present, my cellphone and what was left of my dignity and walked away.

 That ended up the relationship. Again, I’m not one of those stupid people that talks and decides and all that shit. For me, that was it. So I never saw him again. No accepting calls or messages or presents from him. Nothing. And yet, he still calls when drunk and has the nerve to blame me for him fucking another guy. I have to be clear on this: I don’t give a shit if he had a reason to go and fuck around. He felt neglected or needy or whatever? Cool, he could have told so to me and just have a healthy breakup or talk about it or whatever. But no, he took the whore’s road and here we are.

 I don’t even hate him. I stopped feeling anything for him at that moment. Yeah, I guess I cried a bit but I got over it. Again, it was a short-lived relationship and I never expected it to last for too long. But it hurts more when it that person who disappoints you. Because I can see me disappointing anyone and I have. But never like that and never before taking time to sit down and talk about what’s happening. It may seem cruel but I always tell them “You’re not my type”, “This isn’t working” and so on. I cut the shit and say the truth because I believe we all deserve that.

 So I guess that’s what makes me uncomfortable about this whole sex app thing. I mean, it’s great that we just cut to the chase and we know what we’re there for but maybe it’s too blunt, to direct. I would love to be able to charm someone into having sex with me and not just ask. Fuck, maybe I’m a romantic that way but doesn’t it fell better when people are attracted to you as a person and not just because you are another horny guy in their area or something? People nowadays seem to just be fucking around but not really caring about anything else and that kind of bothers me. But I guess that’s the way it is and who am I to say anything? Any way, this might be my only time in this so, who cares.

 Then, I feel two warm hands holding my waist and lips kissing my right cheek. We share a kiss and a hug and then we go back inside. I spoon him until he falls asleep and just before I do that myself; I realize things are as I want them to be. So I’ll smell his hair and enjoy his smile and just see where I can take this later today.

Friends

   Opening the door was like opening the fridge. It was too cold outside, too cold to be there and yet, people found reasons to go out in that weather. In her apartment, Laura was sitting next to the heating but somehow it wasn’t working as it usually did. She decided to go into bed early and wear many layers of clothing but that did not help much. She was freezing and needed to keep warm in order not to go insane.

 The next day, she had to go to the office to work. It was awful as many roads were covered in snow and so were the sidewalks. She did not care for slipping on frozen ground and then falling on her ass. It was not only shameful but it hurt a lot and it made her feel more of the weather they were having. It was very uncommon, but the cold wind had arrived very early this year, almost in October. And weather people were saying it was not going to leave the region until March. So they had to stand it for many more days.

 Luckily, Laura’s office decided that it was too cruel to make people go all the way downtown to work so they decided to let some people stay at home and work over the internet. They had to be available and working at the same rhythm but in their pajamas and warm blankets. Laura was happy that she was one of the people they set free although many were pissed off at them because their jobs could not be done remotely. Laura’s pity lasted for a few hours, until she got home and realized the heating system was working, as it should.

 Maybe it was because she had gotten there late and it only worked properly at nights but anyway she was happy about it. She put her dinner in the microwave and as it was heated, she decided to check her phone. Some friends had been freed too from their jobs but were still looking forward to the weekend when they could sleep for hours and hours without been disturbed.

 Laura ate her dinner in bed, not minding if the bolognaise sauce of the pasta tainted her blankets. She was warm and cozy and was already thinking how much warmer she was going to feel inside her bed. And then, someone knocked on her door. She almost threw her plate of pasta because the sound had taken her for surprise. No one ever came to her home and if they did they had been invited. Been a weekday, she was sure that no one had been invited. Laura decided to leave the plate on her nightstand and walked towards the main door, where someone was knocking again.

 It scared her again, for some reason. She did not have a way to see who was at the other side but tried leaning over the door and hearing what was going on the other side. The person there was breathing heavily, as if he or she had been running like mad for the last hour. Laura stayed there, trying to hear something else but the only thing that came was another knock, which almost made her scream. She covered her mouth and heard the person on the other side walk a few steps and then another person talking. She recognized that voice: t was the old lady that lived in the apartment in front of her. She was telling the person there to be quiet, as many people had taken an early night. This one funny because how could she know that but she didn’t say more and slammed her door.

 The person on the other side was about to knock but Laura decided to open before the old lady had to be dragged out again. At first she did not see who it was: the lights of the corridor were not working. But as the person walked into the light of her apartment, she realized it was her best friend Jeanne. When she saw her, Laura punched her on an arm and the other one started rubbing it, obviously hurt.

-       What the hell?! What are you doing here?

-       What? You’re busy?

-       No! It’s just… Why didn’t you call first? You scared me!

Laura let her friend in and they walked fast to her room. As Jeanne seated on the edge of the bed, Laura went back to her plate of pasta. She had just realized how hungry she was. Jeanne was still rubbing her arm when she told her friend she had come so hastily because she had learned something had happened and she was very close.

 Apparently, according to Jeanne, a former friend of theirs from high school had died just a few hours ago. Laura was about to tell her friend she didn’t care but then Jeanne said the name: “Brock”. It was as if she had been sprinkled with glue. She couldn’t speak and, for a moment, she didn’t care about the cold. Brock had been one of their best friends in high school. They were always the three of them parading around, talking and having many laughs. They would seat together in every class and would share tips on the subjects each one had a problem with.

 The reason they had stopped talking was college. He had left after obtaining a scholarship for a university in France and they dais they would talk and chat and text but that went only for a few months until he stopped writing. They knew nothing bad had happened because he kept uploading pictures and they noticed there were many people in them. He had apparently made new friends in college and had decided it was best to cut off all ties to high school. As their friends, Laura and Jeanne understood. They knew how hard it had been for him but anyway they felt a bit betrayed and hurt that he wouldn’t have said a word about it.

 Now, according to Jeanne, he was dead. Her friend told her that she had taken the bus to get home from work and decided to check on the news on her phone, as the journey was a long one. She browsed through several articles about very different things until she stumbled upon one with “breaking news” written in red and yellow. Apparently, a plane that was about to land on the city’s airport had crash by the end of the runway. They had no idea how many dead there were so they updated the article every few minutes with details. Finally, after a long time, they revealed a list of the bodies that had been already found. Brock’s name was there and as the bus was not very far from Laura’s home, she decided to go down and walk to her door. She had been so shocked by the news, she couldn’t think of calling her friend, only of getting there.

 Laura had a few tears on her face. She wiped them clumsily and asked her friend if she was sure the dead person was Brock. She told her that many people had the same name but Jeanne interrupted her saying that both of his last names were written in the article and being Brock Holowitz Sepulveda, she was sure he was the one who had died.

 Just then, Laura stood up and decided to go to the kitchen. Jeanne joined her and they made hot chocolate to compensate for the cold. Obviously, Jeanne could stay the night and they could share the bed to be warmer. She let Jeanne put on one of her pajamas as she poured the hot chocolate on two large mugs and took them to the bedroom.

 As she took a first sip, Jeanne remembered one time in her home when they were in school. They had reunited there to make a science project and they had ended up eating and sharing silly gossip about people in school. They had also read magazines and watched TV and their science project ended up being finished at 2 AM, much to Jeanne’s mother grief, who had tried for them to work all day long.

 Laura remembered the time they had spent a whole summer together, none of them having any place to go to. They had paraded around town confusing tourists; gone to the top of Brock’s building to tan on his used beach chairs and they would also eat a lot of pizza from a place close to the school. They each had a favorite flavor but they all loved the garlic dressing, for which they always fought.

 When they were done with the hot chocolate, the two women got under the covers and fell asleep very quickly. Their sleep was dreamless so one could not say if it had been good or bad. In the morning, Jeanne called her office and told them she was going to be there after lunch due to a personal problem. Meanwhile, Laura called a number featured on one of the accident’s articles and decided to check if Brock was indeed a victim. It hurt her to verify his death but asked the lady who had told her if she could go and see him or if she knew if his parents had already been notified. The woman said she had no idea but that she could come over and be in a room with other relatives to get the latest news.

 Laura and Jeanne decided to go, even with the snowfall forecasted for later that evening. They took a bus to the airport and met Brock’s parents there. They were surprising but relieved that the girls were there and they all relieved some memories as they waited for someone to tell them the next step in this whole painful process.

Look again

 - Just dump him.

She looked at her friend really confident of herself, almost defying.

 - It's not that easy.

 - Yes it is. He cheated, didn't he? That's what you have to do.

 - But what if...

 - What if what? He didn't meant to fuck someone else? Honey, wake up. Men are trash. Why do you     think I repel all those crazies?

 - We have been together for two years now.

 - Great. Remind him of that while you dump him.

 - It's not that easy. We have shared so many things and I don't know if ending it just like that is the        right solution.

Her friend sighed and drank a sip of her coffee. She raised her hand and asked the waiter to bring another slice of pineapple cheesecake.

 - So, what other solution is there?

 - Well, he looked for someone else didn't he? Maybe I failed to...

 - You failed? Let me ask you: have you fucked someone behind his back?

 - No.

 - Then you haven't failed. There are things bound not to work and that's fine but you have to speak         up and say "I don't like this" o "I don't like that". Going behind everyone's back like that says a lot       about him.

 - You're talking about him as if you didn't knew him, as if you hadn't laughed at his jokes or enjoyed      all the parties at his house.

 - That doesn't have anything to do with this. Yes, I enjoyed that all but he had a responsibility with         you, like a contract if you will. He committed to respect you no matter what and he didn't.

The waiter comes with the cheesecake. She asks the other girl if she wants something. She asks for another cappuccino.

 - I know you're right. But what should I do? I love him. I hate him for what he did but I love him          more than that.

 - Look, I don't know it all, that is true. Maybe you are more of a compassionate being that me and        you can forgive him and make him a good person or whatever. But I strongly believe people don't      just change. People only discover things inside that they have had all their lives but it's not like            evolution unfolding before your eyes.

 - So, according to you, I should just dump him?

 - Yes. It would hurt like a bitch but, believe me, that pain is much better than trying and trying and    failing where you knew you'd fail.

The girl with the problem holds her friends hands and smile at her.

 - I think I'll have to think about it but thank you so much for this. Really.

The friends smiles at her and then hey change the subject, to a happier one.

*        *        * 

A week later, the two friends reunite again. The one with the cheating boyfriends arrives first and, a few minutes later, her friend sits in front of her. She doesn't say much as she knows her friend should be the first to speak.

 - There's a lot to say.

 - No surprise there.

 - Actually, there kind of is...

 - What do you mean?

 - Remember when I told you I had caught him? In his house?

 - Yeah, you had the key in. You told me you were there to surprise him with a gift you found for           him. But when you entered his room, he was naked having sex with a girl. The girl covered herself     and you left, pissed, of course.

 - That sums it up.

Her friend smiles.

 - So, what is the surprise? Was the girl a hooker or what?

The other woman tries to speak but can't. She grunts, then she smiles and covers her face. Then back to a straight face.

 - What? What's funny?

 - It happens, I lied...

 - What?

 - I lied.

 - About what? You didn't caught him in the act? There was no gift? What?

 - No, that was all true. But, before I entered the room I heard... moaning.

 - Oh... So?

 - I went in because it sounded strange.

 - He was fucking another girl. Of course it was strange.

 - B, he wasn't fucking a girl.

Her friend went mute. For a second she was confused but then her eyes grew big as she understood what her friend was saying and what her earlier smile meant.

 - Fuck.

 - Yeah... I know.

 - But... You dumped him, right?

 - Yeah.

 - Talked to him?

 - I did. He kinda explained or whatever. I feel like an idiot, to be honest.

 - I know. I mean, what a surprise, huh?

 - It really wasn't, you know? Somehow, I always knew it. I saw signs and just now I realize how i all    made sense.

 - Tough luck, then. Two years...

 - I'm trying not to think about it... You know what's weird?

 - What?

 - I feel sorry for him. I really do. I mean, I know him. Like, really know him and I don't hate him or      whatever.

 - You are the best girl a guy or gay or girl could ask for.

They both then laughed and the tension that had been brewing for weeks disappeared. Like the last time, they changed the subject.

Although, there was one more surprise ahead but not for the girl that had been cheated on but for her friend. Guess who was the guy covering himself with blankets in the bed of her best friend's ex?

Life's surprises

After walking for a long time, my feet had started to complain. My legs were starting to stop working correctly too and, quite frankly, I was dying of thirst. Not just for walking more than 10 kilometers but because I had decided to wear a winter coat, thinking it was kinda windy.

Anyhow, I had arrived to a neighborhood I didn't really know although a friend of mine lived fairly close. I saw a strip mall across the street and decided to explore the place.

It was not a big place but had a lot of stores and bars and even a multiplex on the second floor. I had no intention of watching a movie, and also no money. I just wanted to have a drink an watch people go by. I would think about how to get back home later.

Finally, I found a coffeeshop. They had many types of smoothies with multiple flavors and additions but I have always hated places with far too many choices. I was thirsty. So I bought a simple passion fruit smoothie, just fruit and ice, nothing else. After paying, I chose a sit outside the place to check my cellphone and drink my juice. But I didn't.

I should feel ashamed o something but I didn't then and don't now. The reason I didn't check my phone was that I saw a guy, a very handsome one, cute if you like the word. He was sitting there with a male friend. I drank my juice as I heard what they were talking about.

Surprise: the subject was a girl. Ok. Hope she is cute as well at least. I know, nasty thing to think but, haven't we all done it? It's not that everything is about how you look but it would be a lie to say we only fall in love with our feelings. We all need something more earthly.

Anyway, the friend left and five minutes after the girl, I suppose she was the one they were talking about, arrived. She was not my type, that is if I had one, but she wasn't bad altogether. He kissed her on the cheek and she sat down. He offered to buy her a drink and she complied, asking for a cappuccino. He rushed inside, happy that she had agreed.

That's a don't guys. Girls are not really into guys that do things so easily. They are just to easy and most girls, not all, are into someone a little more layered, typically complicated. Alert for girls too: don't be to picky. You're not all prizes. Nasty? Not sorry.

Anyway the guy came back with the drink and the girl started a long and uninteresting one person conversation about her friends, and how one of them was marrying and all the details about the engagement. The guy faked being interested but it was obvious he was interested in her liking him, not much more.

Ok. I'm not saying he's looking for sex. Although most guys do, gays or straights, many other are looking for meaningful relationships. The bad thing is that those guys are scarce and they are usually found by bitches. Yes, that is the word.

She then started asking him about babies and marriage. From what I could understand and see, they were younger than me, possibly in their first semesters in college. The guy just asked her what she liked and she keep on going, like a parrot. Never mind being ugly, if you just cannot stop talking, you're less appealing than an Arctic walrus.

I stood up to leave but my legs trembled and my feet hurt like hell. And I hadn't figured out how to get back home so I just wen back inside and bought another smoothie, an orange one. I came back to my table and realized it was five in the afternoon. I had to go back before sundown, or traffic would never let me leave.

Time had passed and I did not realize the couple was now arguing. What had I missed? More babies? A car? Whatever it was, the girl was pissed and, good for him, the guy took a stand. For what I could hear, he told her he was sick of going out with her friends. He said he would always go to expensive places with her, places he didn't even like, just to please her. And always with a bunch of people he didn't even like.

She bursted into tears and, not only me, but everyone around was looking at them. She said that her friends were her life and that it was hard that he didn't like them. And then she added something that made me laugh, loud: "Sometimes I thing you just like me for my looks".

Now people looked at me. I faked reading something hilarious on my phone so people wouldn't stare and some did look the other way. He didn't. And my face turned into a red fleshy thing. I hated people when they stared that way, not angry but just, looking.

Their argument went on until the girl just stood up and left, without saying one more word. Fast enough, she grabbed her phone and called someone. A friend or a rebound guy? Who knows...

I finished my second smoothie and really felt like peeing. Besides it was late. On my wait to the restroom I confirmed on the phone that only one bus line passing nearby would take me home. So I went to the urinals, thinking about how much time it might take to get home.

Then he, the guy in the coffeeshop entered. I went to wash my hands and he did the same, washing his face slowly. I then dried my hands in the machine and was about to leave when I heard him saying: "She's not that pretty, is she?".

I turned into stone for a moment. No one had ever come to me and talked, just like that. It was really strange.

"Pretty maybe. Empty, for sure". Now he laughed and I smiled. I told him that, by the looks of it all, he was better off without her. He didn't answer. I said I had to go but then he did something guys do when they are really affected by someone: he asked me to go with him for a beer.

I refused. Surely he had friends to do that but he answered they had all taken sides and that he didn't wanted to discuss it further. He just wanted to drink and talk about whatever.

And so we did. Needless to say, I still talk to him and we have become the best friends... No, I'm lying. That's not exactly what happened. But let's just say he's fairly close and we still laugh about that day.