Know thyself

-       So she broke up with you because you lost your job?

Erick nodded, still drying his tears from before. His best friend Juliette paced in front of him, in his room. He had finally come out of his bedroom covers and Juliette had forced him to open the curtains. Now, all that was left was to talk.

-       I don’t get it…

-       She…

-       Not that. Why did they fire you?

Erick gulped down some orange juice Juliette had brought him and looked to a point by the window, probably remembering the moment he had been fired.

-       They said I was too focused on my personal life.

Juliette smiled.

-       So you lost your job because of her and left you because you lost the job she made you loose?

 Again he nodded and he started crying again. This time, however, Juliette did not try to stop him from doing it. Why would she? He had been the one guilty of his firing and that was the real tragedy in all of this. Nothing else mattered, not even that silly brunette.

-       I love her.

-       No, you don’t.

-       I do!

-       You’re obsessed with her. And frankly, I don’t see why.

-       She’s smart and beautiful.

-       No, she’s not. She’s a fucking bitch.

 Erick stopped crying and lamenting himself. He stared at her friend, confused.

-       What? You really didn’t know she’s a pain in the ass? Always complaining, always thinking she’s better than everyone else because she has had money to travel the goddamn world?

-       I…

-       You didn’t know… My God!

Juliette had finally had it so she stepped out of Erick’s bedroom and went for the kitchen. It was very early but she knew he kept some alcohol in the house for parties. Right enough, she found a can of beer and drank half of it on one go. Erick came out of his bedroom and sat down in his sofa, just in front of the kitchen.

-       I didn’t know you hated her so much.

-       I don’t hate her. I don’t know her that well.

-       But you…

-       I just don’t like her attitude. She comes off as arrogant and preachy; always thinking her way is the one to go. And she’s not that smart.

-       Why do you say that?

 Erick’s friend had another big sip of beer and looked at the can instead of him when speaking.

-       She thought your birthday was in February.

-       It’s in August.

-       I know. She also said that day in the gallery she did not know what all the fuss was with all that “homosexual art”. She said it was wrong to give them too many liberties.

-       But that was Alex’s expo.

-       I know.

-       And she’s gay.

-       I know!

-       Why would she say that?

-       Not smart. Told you.

For a while, they did not say another word. Juliette was busy trying to know what to say next, hopefully helping her friend and putting him in the right path towards a fast recuperation from all of this and for him to begin to worry about the job, which was the biggest lost he had suffer. However, Erick was still thinking about his former girlfriend, remembering every single time they had been together. It had been a nice ten months, in which he had lots of fun. They had laughed together and enjoyed nice moments but now he realized he had been in the presence of several comments and things she did or say that hadn’t shocked him back then but now they made more sense.

-       What are you thinking?

-       She didn’t like dogs.

-       Oh…

-       And she didn’t like any of you.

Again, Juliette smiled.

-       I knew that.

-      She always told me, in very well thought words that all of you weren’t really funny or nice to be with. But I didn’t realize what she was really saying until now.

-       It’s ok. You’re not the first person to hook up with a crazy woman.

-       But it is my first time.

 Juliette did not know what to respond to that. She finished her beer, threw the can away and sat down by Erick. She had been friends with him for over ten years now and she had seen him in every single state one can imagine a person to be. She had seen him immensely happy and also very sad. Excited, crying, yelling out of rage, insane… They were friends and she just wanted him to be all right.

-       You’re worried about the job, right?

-       I think it’s the most important thing right now.

-       Maybe… But to tell you the truth I was getting tired to be there.

-       You made great money.

-       But it was the job my dad had found for me thanks to his buds in the business. I want to make something of my own.

-       That’s great but how? Work by demand?

-      Maybe. I don’t know… I was beginning to do things there like a robot, just like the same thing over and over again and I…

-       Are you sure?

Erick looked straight and his friend’s eyes.

-       Of course. I know that you think that because of what happened I’m trying to find an excuse for it but I really didn’t feel right working there anymore.

-       That doesn’t matter anymore. Now it’s all-new again and you can decide what to do and what not do, in every sense possible. If you want to look for a different job, I guess it’s only a matter of finding it. It’s hard but you’ll get there.

-       And about…?

-    That can wait. You don’t have to be with someone to feel you’re worth anything. Actually, it’s when you’re single that you realize how much you can do and what are your strengths, your weaknesses.

-       You really think so?

-       You have to know yourself before getting it on with someone else. I think.

They smiled at each other and then they did something they did not do very often: they hugged. They then talked a bit about Juliette’s life but she didn’t want to take all the attention to herself. She told Erick she had to go to her mother’s, so that could be his first time alone and thinking about his future. Or better, not to think about anything and just enjoy himself in his place.

 Juliette left and Erick decided to try and have a nice day. He downloaded a couple of movies he had always loved, he decided to have a shower first and in the shower, he realized he wanted Chinese food for lunch so he ordered that when he was still holding his towel by the waist. In the bathroom again, after brushing his teeth, he took off the towel and took a look at himself. His eyes were read and his skin was pale, lifeless. He needed to get some sun too but maybe he could leave that for the next day.

 His delivery arrived fast and he received it in his boxers. Just like that, he sat down on his bed, by the laptop, and watched the first movie, an animated one. At one point he cried, but because of the movie and not what he had gone through. Actually, the next time he thought about his ex was the following morning when she called him on his cellphone. But he didn’t answer the call and decided to go have breakfast with Juliette.

 Eventually, he would find a job and maybe a new girlfriend. But Erick had learned that he had no idea who he really was, not entirely at least. And he wanted to know desperately before anyone else. If he didn’t, life just couldn’t be lived properly and what’s the fun in that?

Once a year

   As I woke up, the first feeling I got was that he was still there. And that was all I needed. I didn’t want to think about anything or anyone else. Having him there, next to me, was an achievement I couldn’t compare with anything else. It had all happened so fast that, for a moment during the night, I thought I was dreaming every single moment. And to be honest, I didn’t care. It was the best dream in the world, if that’s what it was, and I would try to spend as much time in it as I could, enjoying myself and being happy for once in a long time.

 The thing was, he had always seemed so distant, so elusive. But at the same time, He wasn’t a stranger to me; it wasn’t as if I had met him just last night, no. We had been acquaintances for a long time, having mutual friends and meeting in several parties and gatherings in the recent years. Yes, years. When I met him, he was different. Maybe it’s because I’m falling in love or something, but back then I didn’t noticed his physical beauty, nor his internal one. The only thing I saw was this very serious guy, rarely laughing at my jokes (and I joke a lot). The only thing he did was taking his girlfriend’s hand.

 Yes, I know. She was very beautiful to be honest, with her long black hair and big green eyes. I think they worked together or something. I haven’t got to the moment where I can feel comfortable asking about his past conquests. Maybe it’s too early to do that. But she was a nice girl and I have to say that the first time I saw them I liked her better than him. He was so cold, looked so boring and simple. Not my type of guy to be honest, so I just never got close enough to talk to him.

 The next year, we met again on a cocktail party. A mutual friend of ours happened to be an artist, a photographer and we were both invited to the inauguration of one of his exhibitions. To be honest, I had not planned to go. It wasn’t like he was my best friend or anything but another person I knew was going to be there and she told me there was going to be free alcohol and lots of cute guys to look at. As I had nothing better to do, I dressed with anything and left my home.

 There, I would meet again with him. The girl with the black hair had not come with her. In her place, there was a brunette, much shorter than him and with more personality in one nail that he apparently had in all of his body. She was looking at the pictures and telling jokes, making friends all over and being, for all intents and purposes, the life of the party. Again, I talked to her a lot and I laughed with pleasure because the woman was a riot. Yet again, he was very cold, standing always behind her like a stone bodyguard, just there to take care of her. Sometimes he looked somber and that was the first time I saw a glimpse of his beauty, his mysterious tone if you will.

 But just after that, I met someone somewhere else and I wouldn’t think of him for a whole year. I got myself in a very strange relationship, with a man that had a child. If there’s something stranger than that, I would like to know. It worked fine at the beginning, I have no complaints. His little girl was very nice and he was a great guy in bed, has to be said. But it all went to pieces when we were about to celebrate our first year together. I discovered he had been cheating on me for a couple of months. From then on, I have to say it; I have never trusted people very much. He looked like a great honest guy. He wasn’t and that took its toll on me.

 It was during that period of feeling like shit when I saw him again. But this time we weren’t in any party or nice cocktail event. No. I had decided to go out of my house to buy some groceries to the supermarket. It was one of these huge markets that sell everything. I was dressed a bit crazy, as I hadn’t even showered, but in those days I wasn’t taking to much attention on anything. Anyway, I met him by the frozen foods, when I was trying to reach for the only chicken lasagna left. Out of nowhere his taller self reached it out and gave it to me. To this day I remember that moment because when I looked at him, he was smiling.

 He told me he remembered me from some parties and that he had always thought I was funny. In my head, I doubted that. Not only because I wasn’t buying anything a man said but because he had never seemed amused by me in those parties. He had to be a great actor or something. To my surprise, he wasn’t an actor but a graphic designer and he had come to the supermarket to buy some cereal, which he loved. We talked for several hours there, in the aisles filled with kids persuading their parents to buy them some candy or older men looking at how the butcher did his job. In a very strange way, it was a very nice walk. Something had happened to him that changed him but I didn't dare to ask.

 At the end of that afternoon, we separated in the parking lot. We didn’t exchange any numbers or emails or anything. At least to me, that wasn’t a priority now and maybe he had felt that or he was in a similar place. The good thing was that I smiled all the way home. Somehow, I had finally seen directly to those beautiful eyes he had and I had taken a liking of them. His face was just there, on my mind, for many days after that. I regretted not asking for a number but maybe, and this was the most likely thing, he had just been nice. I was sensitive because of my breakup and making decisions was not the best idea.

 The days passed and I started working and living more normally. I even ran into my ex-boyfriend but all I could feel was disgust. Because there was no love to feel but he was still the person that had decided to lie to me, to make me feel worthless on purpose and I just couldn’t forgive that. He barely said hello but I didn’t care at all about what he said or how he said it. I just wanted to get over that time in my life and soon. So I just nodded and went on with my life. I had never seen him again and, honestly, I couldn’t care less about where or what he is doing. I think that is the right way to feel and I don’t regret a thing.

 However, I kept thinking about that beautiful guy, the guy with whom I talked nicely for what seemed know like just a moment. I wasn’t in love of course but I really wanted to see him again and find an explanation for what I felt every time I thought about him. So I just went for it, calling mutual friends, trying to get something about him. And then, one night, it hit me: Facebook. It was so obvious and yet I hadn’t thought of it. Why call people when they have their friend network for everyone to see? So I looked at the profile of the guy that had done the photography exhibition and browsed his friend’s list.

 His name was as beautiful as he was. I didn’t add him right away or anything. I was too nervous and it seemed like a very serious step to take. So I just bookmarked his profile and let everything be for a while. I finally told my friend, the one that had convinced me to go to the exhibition, about the guy and how much I thought about him and his stupid face. She was surprised and I was surprised that she was. She told me that, in her personal opinion, he wasn’t that special. She thought he had nice ears, which I found to be very funny, and that his eyes had a nice color, but that was it. She said he was too tall, too skinny and looked like a zombie.

 Somehow, I got mad at her. I didn’t screamed at her or anything but I wanted to. He wasn’t any of those things. So right after we met, I sent him the Facebook invite to be my friend. To my surprise, he accepted it just a few minutes afterwards. We started chatting and he seemed as nice as I had seen him on the supermarket. I checked some of his pictures and was glad that I could see that face for a longer while. As it was the end of the afternoon, he asked if we could meet to have a coffee and chat. Of course, I said yes.

 All of that happened about a year ago. We spent several months going out for coffee, watching movies together, having lunch and just chatting for hours on hours, no matter if that was on the phone, the computer or live. He was a nice person to be around and I could feel he was comfortable with me. At one point, he got to my place to watch a movie and he took his shoes right off, put them in the right place and sat on his favorite spot. He felt comfortable and one of those nights we felt like kissing but we didn’t.

 That happened another day, one he prepared with anticipation and that lead to this day. The day he planned started with a nice dinner, a great a fun chat and was followed, of course, by a movie. We held hands, kissed and never saw the end of that movie. We made love for hours and I have to say it was amazing. And now he’s there, breathing softly at my side and I’m already planning to serve him a big bowl of his favorite cereal, which I know from that time in the supermarket. But for now I’m just going to watch him closely, in silence, because I’ve just noticed I have fallen in love. It happens.